Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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