hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
