It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Success! We fucked roommates!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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