if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
