singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
