I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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