I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
