The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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