I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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