My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You're my little dorito
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
