i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
