Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
