I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
