is your mom at the bar?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
