you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
