I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
