You made me cry and you don't even care
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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