just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
