Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are the jesus of drinking
It's shark week go big or go home
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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