I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
