I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
