I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
