im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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