Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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