he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
