for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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