I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need water and some morals
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
