pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
