Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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