A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
