so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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