You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
