Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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