he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
