ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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