This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
