She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My ass is underappreciated
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
