That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
