Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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