What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
