I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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