Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dignity is for republicans.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
