we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
