I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
