Kiss
Puke
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
