Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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