I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
