the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
