I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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