everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
