I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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