I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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