eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
