I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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