you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize