Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
