you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
