Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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