I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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