Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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