screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
