I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
