Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
