I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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