It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
