maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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